I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
