question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
