Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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