...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
