hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
