My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
