So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
