you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
