i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
