I can tuck mytits in my pants
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize