Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
