I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize