Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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