My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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