you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
