A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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