You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
