my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize