that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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