You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
