I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize