So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
