Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
