The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
