she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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