I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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