I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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