He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
