My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
