saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
