You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
