You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
