I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
