I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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