I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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