Don't make out with my wife yet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
