Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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