i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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