he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
