Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
