apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
