This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
