everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
