I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
