Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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