i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
