I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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