i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
