do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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