If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
