Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
