i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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