eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
