Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
