my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck appropriateness.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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