Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
