hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
