i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
