So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
