threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
