new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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