God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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