____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
