He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
