Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize