Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
