dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
