She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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