can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
