now i know why i became what i already was.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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