Michael Bay diarrhea
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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