Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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