what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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